Donald Duck In Mathmagic Land ( Part 1 of 3)

I first heard the term "mathmagic" uttered by my department head (a great guy and mentor). The conversation was about the creative things our students do that have no logical basis; instead of mathematics they use "mathmagic". I'm sure he had seen this before but am I glad Youtube seems to have almost every video you can ask for.

Check out the other parts after watching this clip.

2011 Goals

In no particular order:

• Auxiliary pioneer at least one month
• Pay off my one remaining credit card balance
• Meet the man Jah has for me and at least get engaged (engaged? - yes because there's no point in setting my goals low. Also let's be specific: must love Jah more than me and encourage me to do likewise, makes more $ than me (I'm just saying this guy is older than me so there's no reason he shouldn't make at least 40K a year - that's not greedy/materialistic!)
• Stick to my weekly home upkeep routine (it's gotta be nice to rent out once I get engaged and start moving out, lol)
• Look like "that chick" everyday (get back to taking care of me like I want to: monthly facials, mani & pedi on the regular, and the hair we can't forget about the hair, lol)
• Improve the quality of service I provide my customers
• Renew my cosmetology license
• Start working towards National Board Certification as a teacher
• Write - I must write whether it be on either of my blogs, poetry, songs, a novel or short story...I have to write
• Make sure I study with the asp regularly (this is a really hard one!)
• Create a circle of true friends, people who I can count on to be there for me because they know I'm there for them and ditch the faux friends be they on FB or in real life who do nothing but the occasional "Hi, how are you?" and then ignore you and show so much interest in someone else while still in your company (or worse yet riding in your car...yes I'm talking about an actual incident)
• Avoid letting my depression immobilize me
• etc...

New Beginnings

Odd that my last post was about *him* and that my next post should be on the 1 year anniversary of the last day I saw and :x *him*. At any rate, he's moved on and so have I...although truthfully and with no envy, he can do better than the girl he's with now (at least from a purely physical point of view based on a headshot alone).

I am fully committed to my ministry; this month I'm attempting to get 50 hours to prove to myself that I can auxiliary pioneer this summer during my time off. It's been going well although I haven't done a count to see how far I have to go.

Although this entry is entitled "New Beginnings" it's also a re-visiting of old friends. I am sincerely going to try to reconnect and stay connected with the people I've known, tolerated/liked (lol), and occasionally even trusted in the past. First up I'm going skiing with some old friends. There might be a proposal (of course not to me) so I hope I don't get too upset due to any jealous feelings. Hopefully I won't as I'm currently entertaining prospects from about three different countries.

Speaking of jealousy, I think yesterday or perhaps Wednesday I thought of calling up my ex and telling him off. Wouldn't you know he called this morning (how odd he finds the number on the eve of this pagan holiday) and I got the chance. I didn't go full force although I did mention *him* and how we were together and that I should've dumped my ex when I first met *him* thus avoiding the unwanted pregnancy and subsequent life ruination that followed. Evidently I can still trigger his (my ex's) jealousy button as he said he was now going to get a drink, something he claims to have not done in one year and six months. LOL!!! Falling off the wagon, huh? Don't end up back in prison by falling too hard!

Lions and Tigers and Bears

Trying to pull an all-nighter and claim victory over my alt cert class by submitting all of my portfolio artifacts. As an aid to this goal I started listening to my music collection that I had copied to an external drive and deleted from my PC in an attempt to bring my life back into harmony with Jah's standards.

This one song by Jazmine, whew... brought back memories. I'm not afraid of much or maybe I am but I've lied to myself so much for so many years that I've actually started to believe it. Anywho, whether I'm scared of being in a relationship and being vulnerable or not should really be a non-issue at this particular point in my life as I was to be focused on rebuilding my relationship with God and my career. But I called my ex (wow that's weird referring to him as my ex now that there's no wishy-washy "were we ever really a couple" issues) because I saw his number on my caller ID...twice.

Funny that I had dialed and he had answered before I realized 'Oops I'm returning his call from my BB,' the very BB that I had the number changed on so that he couldn't call me any and everywhere that I go since my BB is like air (I can't live without it lol). Oh well!

Unfortunately, he hadn't called but had sent a text to landline message (2x) that I didn't get because I wasn't home (the whole changing the # thing to reduce his presence in my life). Sadly the news he wanted to relay wasn't good and it has me thinking about him everyday now and wanting to be able to be there for him and all sorts of other things that will upset my life.

I want to but unfortunately (like the song says) I am scared of loving him.

Die Freak, Die

Why Did I Get Married Too? saw the first night
Janet - similarities and renewed interest
If - listened to the song looked up lyrics *wow*
*him* - Lamarr Rucker makes me think about him, maybe it's the dimples and the dark chocolate skin tone umm yummy...NO DIE LIL FREAK, DIE!!!

The Color of Love

Oddly enough in 2008 and early 2009, I was saying that I was through with black men and that I would be in one of these relationships. Oh well time changes things but this is still interesting that we're having these discussions in the 21st century. I mean really? Love is love and color shouldn't matter and it shouldn't be newsworthy that you have successful interracial couples as if it's a rarity. I'm feeling a little ashamed of my birth state right now.

But at any rate I was glad to see a couple I know on TV. Since I haven't been back in a while it was also a way to get to see Cameron who I'd only received a picture message of the first week after he was born.

Ain't No Joke

Wow, so I know that you're not supposed to skip doses of prescription medication. But I've never been on anything long term before...

That said I couldn't get my Rx refilled before I would run out of pills so I skipped this weekend. I knew that the meds had started working but those two days off...; anti-depressants ain't no joke.

I guess it's all good though. I'm still here...

Tell Me (a letter to *him*)

Tell Me

Please
Say what I need to hear
Tell me you don’t love me
That it was all a lie
That you never want to see me
Ever again
That you’ve gotten what you wanted
And now you’re done with me
That the game was played and I lost
Even if none of it’s true
I need to hear it from you

Tell me that you never felt anything for me
And make me believe it
So I can stop dreaming of you every night
Stop analyzing the ways I can make it right
The ways I messed it all up

Remind me of how you had an encounter with your ex
Tell me that it wasn’t a mistake
Wasn’t stupid
Meant the world to you
Tell me she’s everything you need
That I could never be

Don't tell me you love me
Don't point out the reasons why
Stop saying all of those beautifully sweet things
Words I didn't even realize I longed to hear
Breaking down
The walls around my heart
My tough persona

Tell me I’m too cold, too shallow
Not pretty, not well-groomed enough
Call me a “G” but without the joking nature
Or say what that previous cat said
What was it again?
‘You don’t know how to comfort your man’
Or something to that effect
Tell me these things and make me believe it
Help me re-box my feelings
By hurting them if necessary
(I think it’s necessary)
Whatever the case is
Please
Just tell me

Entry from the Journal of a YBF - ms. me's MySpace Blog |

Entry from the Journal of a YBF - ms. me's MySpace Blog
Originally posted Wednesday, May 10, 2006 8:15 PM


(Guess I was "Thinking Bout My Ex" that night) - Janet Jackson song title.

what's the point? - ms. me's MySpace Blog |

what's the point? - ms. me's MySpace Blog
Originally posted Friday, May 05, 2006 7:51 PM

TWO TEARS - ms. me's MySpace Blog |

TWO TEARS - ms. me's MySpace Blog
Originally posted Monday, April 03, 2006 1:08 AM

The Revelation and Inspiration - ms. me's MySpace Blog |

The Revelation and Inspiration - ms. me's MySpace Blog
originally posted Wednesday, March 29, 2006 at 8:20 PM

Capricious Thoughts

I saw a link to this awesome Cleveland Show clip on Jorge Garcia's blog (Dispatches from the Island) this weekend. And wouldn't you know, I am still singing the song in my head. Check it out!







Everytime I watch it's still funny. And yes, I know I'm like a month late with this. But considering that I don't watch TV much anymore (I hear the shocked gasps) except for Lost (hence my following Jorge's blog), Dirty Jobs, and Deadliest Catch (R.I.P. Capt. Phil Harris [:.(] ) I miss a lot. But most of the time, that's a good thing; as this world gets worse and worse there are fewer and fewer things worth watching on TV. (I'll probably rant about this in a later blog.)

I must definitely enjoy my job because I woke up this morning and it was one of the first things on my mind. The very first thing...well I can't talk about that. (Too much like a guy that way, lol.)

But back to my job...I hope this feeling lasts and I never become one of those jaded teachers. You know the type, show up for the check, out the door before the kids when the bell rings, you can't tell them nothing because they've been 'teaching for _ # of years.'

Hmm...what else? Since I'm blogging again, I guess I'll export my other personal blog to this one so there will be some redesigning and a lot more content coming in the next few months. Besides Myspace is so dead!

Probably should combine my business blogs too...

Oh yeah and started working out again (finally) and evidently I either terribly out of shape or just worked out too long because I felt naseous for the rest of the evening. Oh well, the benefits outweigh the costs so I guess I'll have to stick with it.

Ok so I misspoke

I took a few moments and read my previous postings & decided not to procrastinate. True I still have "a million and 10 things" on my plate but this is therapeutic and seeing as I'm in therapy...why not get more on a more convenient schedule.

(Yes, I did say therapy; more on that later.)

As is obvious from the months delay to post the PC battle and my post minutes ago, I'm teaching. I was passed over by every middle school and ended up being hired at a high school on the Thursday of the week before school began. (AAGGHHH!!!!) But Jah knows best (as always :D ) and high school is the place for me and the schedule works out very well. I'm still learning the ropes and now my EPI classes, while still very helpful, can't be over soon enough so I can have my weekends back.

This weekend classes thing only added to an underlying problem that's been going on for months now and recently blew up in my face. So that setback along with some unreconciled issues from my past (which I guess I have to stop avoiding and deal with to move on with my plan from an earlier post [not guess, know]) explains the therapy...and the meds. Ok maybe TMI. But hey at least I'm not like this guy all the time anymore...

I call him the "Suicidal Orange"; he's gonna juice his brains out, lol.

I'm a teacher!

That's the only new and good news.

Lots more to follow this summer...perhaps ;)