Thank you Erica!

So yes the previous post makes it sound like I don't have any friends. At one time I did but we just don't talk much anymore; by talk I mean actually talk, hearing the sound of another human's voice not typing them via Facebook or some instant messenger service.

Well last week a friend I've known since 1996 sent me an email via Facebook offering a business opportunity. While I'm interested in the business side of it, I found that it might be helpful in changing some of my "ugly truths" if I use the program and it works. The nice part is that we actually picked up the phone and talked to one another which hadn't happened since she moved away (which is a recurring issue with the friends I make) in 2000.

This is day 2 of the program and I'm still realistic with my expectations. I may post some things here while I use the program, but when I decide to move up to the level of promoting it check out my other blog: E-ClassVentures.blogspot.com

Please excuse the mess on that blog - I'm redesigning for next year.

2011 Goals Revisited

It's getting close to the end of the year & I've been in a piss-poor mood a lot lately. Have mainly placed it on the nine more years to my sentence and the fact that I'll be far older than I want to be when I finally get the chance to live, as opposed to simply surviving. Even though I haven't checked out this blog or looked at the goals I posted in December, I've thought about posting often and finally got around to it today. So let's see where am I and try to figure out why I'm...whatever I am.

• Auxiliary pioneer at least one month
  Haven't done this yet officially but came close to the reduced hours. Odd I was supposed to try to reach 30 hours this month but became disheartened after a lackluster showing for early morning witnessing at the beginning of the month.

• Pay off my one remaining credit card balance
  This goal will officially be met by February 2011. Had I not been transferred from the Title I turnaround high school that I'd finally began to feel comfortable at, this goal would have been met exactly at the end of the year. But I'm not complaining, because two months isn't so far past schedule.
  

• Meet the man Jah has for me and at least get engaged (engaged? - yes because there's no point in setting my goals low). Also let's be specific: must love Jah more than me and encourage me to do likewise, makes more $ than me (I'm just saying this guy is older than me so there's no reason he shouldn't make at least 40K a year - that's not greedy/materialistic!)
  This is the source of my grumpiness and general malcontent. I still love *him* but can't have *him*.
  I tried finding someone else using a site; it doesn't work for me. Met a creep (not face to face), Africans (call me whatever you want, but I don't want anything directly from that continent because I have the feeling they're looking for a green card), and a guy that I talked to for a while.
  "MR" was nice, employed, encouraged me spiritually, is an elder, made money, was looking to buy a house, and unfortunately I suspect outside of my age range and looking for the mother of his future children. After the one I made the mistake of conceiving, I don't intend to repeat that mistake. Also there was no spark and a lot of the time I got the feeling he had been sent to convince me that the JW dating scene is hopeless...at least for me anyways because I refuse to settle.
  So I'm not engaged and not even close. Every now and then I hear from *him* and he still thinks of me. Which compounded with other people getting engaged & married this year, intrusive individuals making comments about my personal life, and the barrage of other ineligible guys flirting only makes me pray & wish more fervently that I could have him now...

• Stick to my weekly home upkeep routine (it's gotta be nice to rent out once I get engaged and start moving out, lol)
  Well this one is going well except for the nasty neighbor's pest problem temporarily becoming mine & another neighbor's problem and the child's destructive and disobedient impact. I'm cautiously optimistic for more home improvements next year to increase the rental value.
  

• Look like "that chick" everyday (get back to taking care of me like I want to: monthly facials, mani & pedi on the regular, and the hair we can't forget about the hair, lol)
  I must have been doing this because people have been noticing (see the goal on getting engaged) even my students at the new high school keep mentioning how clear my skin is or how I rock my natural hair. The mani & pedi part haven't been so regular though.
  

• Improve the quality of service I provide my customers
  You'd have to ask my customers about this one although I'm considering dropping the Avon line since they've made it harder to make money.

• Renew my cosmetology license
  Haven't done...
  
  
• Start working towards National Board Certification as a teacher
  Haven't started...
  
  
• Write - I must write whether it be on either of my blogs, poetry, songs, a novel or short story...I have to write
  LOL I've been writing more lesson plans than anything. Writing shopping and to-do lists doesn't count, does it?
  
  
• Make sure I study with the asp regularly (this is a really hard one!)
  Hasn't been regular, but it has been happening.
  
  
• Create a circle of true friends, people who I can count on to be there for me because they know I'm there for them and ditch the faux friends be they on FB or in real life who do nothing but the occasional "Hi, how are you?" and then ignore you and show so much interest in someone else while still in your company (or worse yet riding in your car...yes I'm talking about an actual incident)
  Well I have reconnected with my friends and cut off a couple of relatives who sought to censor my Facebook post meant for my friends to know that I lost someone close to me over their concern for their spoiled brat of a daughter who is not even a friend of mine. I spent time over the summer with them which unfortunately makes being isolated in Jacksonville with faux friends even more depressing. Yet I'm eagerly planning my next escapes and my permanent removal from this place that Jason Lazenberry (mini-shoutout) warned me about, lol.
  
  
• Avoid letting my depression immobilize me
  I'm off the meds and still functioning so I guess it hasn't completely immobilized me...

So I guess I didn't do so well on the list (7 out of 12 is not passing), but I'm already thinking of things for next year's list...so if you're interested check back later.

2011 Goals

In no particular order:

• Auxiliary pioneer at least one month
• Pay off my one remaining credit card balance
• Meet the man Jah has for me and at least get engaged (engaged? - yes because there's no point in setting my goals low. Also let's be specific: must love Jah more than me and encourage me to do likewise, makes more $ than me (I'm just saying this guy is older than me so there's no reason he shouldn't make at least 40K a year - that's not greedy/materialistic!)
• Stick to my weekly home upkeep routine (it's gotta be nice to rent out once I get engaged and start moving out, lol)
• Look like "that chick" everyday (get back to taking care of me like I want to: monthly facials, mani & pedi on the regular, and the hair we can't forget about the hair, lol)
• Improve the quality of service I provide my customers
• Renew my cosmetology license
• Start working towards National Board Certification as a teacher
• Write - I must write whether it be on either of my blogs, poetry, songs, a novel or short story...I have to write
• Make sure I study with the asp regularly (this is a really hard one!)
• Create a circle of true friends, people who I can count on to be there for me because they know I'm there for them and ditch the faux friends be they on FB or in real life who do nothing but the occasional "Hi, how are you?" and then ignore you and show so much interest in someone else while still in your company (or worse yet riding in your car...yes I'm talking about an actual incident)
• Avoid letting my depression immobilize me
• etc...

Ok so I misspoke

I took a few moments and read my previous postings & decided not to procrastinate. True I still have "a million and 10 things" on my plate but this is therapeutic and seeing as I'm in therapy...why not get more on a more convenient schedule.

(Yes, I did say therapy; more on that later.)

As is obvious from the months delay to post the PC battle and my post minutes ago, I'm teaching. I was passed over by every middle school and ended up being hired at a high school on the Thursday of the week before school began. (AAGGHHH!!!!) But Jah knows best (as always :D ) and high school is the place for me and the schedule works out very well. I'm still learning the ropes and now my EPI classes, while still very helpful, can't be over soon enough so I can have my weekends back.

This weekend classes thing only added to an underlying problem that's been going on for months now and recently blew up in my face. So that setback along with some unreconciled issues from my past (which I guess I have to stop avoiding and deal with to move on with my plan from an earlier post [not guess, know]) explains the therapy...and the meds. Ok maybe TMI. But hey at least I'm not like this guy all the time anymore...

I call him the "Suicidal Orange"; he's gonna juice his brains out, lol.

Good Things...Only good things

1st let me get this random thought out the way...I so want a super awesome pic of me 2 replace my current 1. It'll be in the works.

Ok so last post was the day before my interview which was on May 7th. That day turned out to be very hectic, pretty stressful. I was almost late to the interview due to my somewhat irrational thought that the gas in my car wouldn't make it downtown & back. But wouldn't you know I made it there 1 minute before my interview was scheduled to start and the interviewers were running behind.



So I did well on my interview. I don't say this to boast but to emphasize that preparation and "practice, practice, practice" can indeed make near perfect (cause human perfection just doesn't exist yet...hopefully only a few more years until we can start growing towards it though).

Since Google keeps acting funny let's get to the point. As of May 15th it's official; I'm in the EOC Program!

Anxious & 'Faint out of fear'

This merry-go-round has been spinning faster latley; hence the absence from posting (not that ne1's reading @ the moment). I find myself becoming overly anxious as the day of my final interview draws near.
As I see my chances of making this momentous change of direction slip away I find myself realizing that I really can't imagine doing anything else now. I actually want to teach and find myself thinking about it randomly throughout the day. I can't think of another career that will have a schedule so well suited to my plans of being an AP during the summer and going to seldom worked territory with my daughter. What other job will in 5 yrs earn me a clean slate from student loans and save me money in summer childcare costs? I keep taking it to Him but wonder if preparing a backup would be considered a lack of faith. That and the time constraints facing me to get a backup are another source of anxiety. The good thing is the interview is tomorrow so I know this part of the ride will be behind me soon.

Prioritizing Priorities

Mood: possibly heading down

On an important side note, many months ago I diagnosed myself as having A.D.D. Case-in-point: I'm typing this blog while I was attending to another matter (check out the timestamp & it should be apparent where I'm @ this time of day). Anyways this is important to remember for any who may begin to follow my blog and find that I jump from topic to topic a lot.

Oh yeah back to the topic...

So obviously I haven't correctly prioritized my priorities as I type this when I should be doing something else. But more importantly I have this long-term plan to 'step over into Macedonia' but I need to prioritize the smaller steps to get me there. Maybe this blog will help; accountability seems to give me focus...sometimes anyways.

Well step 1 is underway already: switch jobs.

Or is step 1 start paying off debt since I think I started that before I started the job search? Well it'll be step two since it will be finished with the help of step 1.

Hmm now should step 3 be language lessons or getting my passport?

And then there's the never-ending list of things I have to do from day-to-day outside of my goal-related activities. Me oh my oh me priorities.